I remember when I signed up for a blog and read some of the “how to’s” that WordPress provide, tips on how to write a blog post, how to use tags and to write a catchy title. I can’t say I’ve always followed the advice, I often write a literal post title, occasionally I get a bit giddy and think of something vaguely witty, but catchy? I can’t answer that as I’m writing not reading my blog. But it’s the titles that often attract readers to your blog in the first place, so as bloggers we should take a bit of care and consideration when penning our latest missives.
And this leads me nicely onto last night when I logged onto WordPress and the stats page came up first and a little line caught my eye. It came under the Search Engine Terms. Now this isn’t somewhere I’ve previously spent a lot of time hanging out at, but the question a searcher had entered got me wondering, what do people search for and what answers do they get from my blog?
It certainly piqued my interest and before I could say the word Google I was going back looking at the search terms used. Fun? Yes! Slightly worrying? Yes! Literal? Yes! There are different kinds of search terms from the practical with people looking for tips on how to grow certain veggies, a recipe for a cake or a curry, photos of a specific type of French bean. Hopefully my blog answered their queries. But it’s the search terms that were only entered once that proved the most fun and in some cases downright weird.
So dear searchers, how did you end up here, this is a gardening blog with a smidgen of home-cooked food and the odd forray beyond the allotment and out of the kitchen along the promenade? From my scant knowledge its a lot to do with the titles of posts and recipes with a dollop of tags and categories thrown in for good measure. I’ll leave the SEO geek-speak for the techy blogs, I’m a mere gardener. But I do wonder whether I was the last entry on page 2 of Google search and out of desperation to find an answer you clicked the link to my blog.
I hope I answered many of your questions, but looking at some of the search terms I’m sure the answers or photos you found here were not exactly what you were expecting. And as it’s the slow season for gardening here in the northern hemisphere and besides it made me giggle, I’ve chosen a few gems. So let’s pretend you are searching, I’m online and I’m trying to answer your question. Here goes –
Answer from my blog – Now this one has me puzzling, were you looking for Vampires that like lavender as I have photos of lavender but no Vampires (unless of course they are invisible to the naked eye); or maybe Vampires who have a penchant for wearing lavender coloured clothing – I’m picturing a lovely lavender coloured chiffon scarf tied at a jaunty angle to off-set the blood dripping business; or perhaps you meant a vampire who wears a lavender scent, that would certainly brighten anyones day, no?
Well I can give you some Lavender Shortbread or if you aren’t feeling hungry you could go up to the allotment and roll in the lavender – that way you would definitely pick up the scent. But maybe you are a tad confused and wanted a garlic curry?
“grain accidents with happy endings”
Answer from my blog – what were you looking for searcher? Someone falling into a grain silo and surviving? Oh dear that doesn’t sound good does it, well as you have reached a gardening and food blog the best I can offer is a Lemon Polenta cake, where I had a teeny accident with the ingredients and the result was a happy one, probably not what you wanted but maybe while you continue searching you would enjoy a slice?
“Put the chopped beetroot, “
Answer from my blog – Where do you want to put the chopped beetroot searcher? In a jar, on a plate, in a pan on a bruschette? Or maybe you had something else in mind, which has me a bit worried. I’m a pretty imaginative and open person, but I do have my limits so let’s just stick to good old pickled beetroot, I really have way too many pickled beetroot and you are welcome to a jar my friend.
“Mum getting out weeds”
Answer from my blog – hmm, you want a picture of my mum weeding? You obviously never met my mum did you! But why watch your mum (or mine for that matter) weeding anyway, I say do the weeding yourself! Go on, get off your backside and get outside, go on, on with you. When you start weeding you ‘ll realise its sort of therapeutic, admittedly it might not seem like as much fun as watching your mum weeding, but honestly where is the humour in that, wouldn’t it be a bit like watching paint dry? But seeing as you ended up here and I don’t like the thought of you going away empty handed, how about the watering can I bought my mum for a mother’s day present.
“vindaloo terrible song”
Answer from my blog – so true !! It certainly is !! But a homemade vindaloo curry is superb and my version will hopefully go some way to making up for that truly terrible song. Oh and I’m sorry I ever mentioned it in the first place!
“I’m sorry I haven’t got a washing machine”
Answer from my blog – puzzled? yes I am! I’m sorry you don’t have a washing machine either, all I can think is that I washed the pots in the garden, ( you see it was the end of the growing season and it’s good to get busy and be a bit tidy every now and then) but that’s where you generally do wash the pots – the potting kind isn’t it.
“the yellow tie is for winter or summer”
Answer from my blog – I have no particular fashion mores and must do’s. And don’t worry too much about fitting in you can pretty much wear what you like on the allotments; obviously for most people the clothing veers towards the practical – you know warm jumpers, sturdy shoes and boots, so come along, wear what you want (within reason….). But if you do insist on wearing a tie I have no particular opinion as to the colour or the season. But maybe a bowl of Thai Yellow Curry would help you make your decision.
“running on chrysanthemum”
Answer from my blog – I’ve never tried running whilst holding a bunch of chrysanthemum leaves, I’ve also never tried hopping, skipping or dancing with the said greenery. Maybe it’s something I should consider for future. In the meantime I hoped you liked the chrysanthemum greens I grow, I like to eat them lightly stir fried with ginger, garlic, a sprinkle of sesame seeds and a dash or two of soy sauce. Whether or not I fancy running afterwards is a different matter.
“big banana fall”
Answer from my blog – hmm what do you have in mind searcher? A ginormous comedy size banana falling out of nowhere. landing and some unfortunate person slipping on said comedy size banana? Well I can’t really help you with such slapstick comedy routines but you could satiate yourself with a piece of banana cake - I made one earlier this year after a skiing accident, my arm in a sling, so no bananas falling or slipping on bananas, but certainly ridiculous when you think of me trying to bake a cake with an arm in a sling. !
“Tuesday thought of the day”
Answer from my blog – be careful what you search for !
Hope you enjoyed these as much as I did. And of course I want to know some of the funny, weird, odd, ridiculous searches that you have seen, or maybe you might even confess to?!